Bully Suicide

Only God has the power to judge us.... so why does the bullying keep happening... when will we stop receiving news that yet another child or adult alike have committed suicide due to preferring to no longer be here with us? 
Make no mistake, suicide isn't just a death that is grieved and forgotten. It Destroys people, friends and family that are still here Permanently!

We each have a responsibility to each other on this planet... so be sure if you suspect someone may be in trouble.... say something! You might save yourself!

I am Moved

I must confess that after recent times in my life and the life of my family members, my heart was torn out to the point that I became unmovable. Stuck. Lost. Unable to lift my head at times, let alone join the rest of society. Only recent

ly did I even notice exactly how bad my soul was ripped and that I needed to focus FAST on getting back up. Getting back up without the help of those that have always been there to push. 
Mom said "Don't forget that this isn't all on your schedule... it's on God's... " so I started listening, watching and Trying to pay attention to a different schedule and order in my life. I followed my intuition and it guided me straight to someone who filled in the missing pieces which were leaving me unable to figure this all out. 
So, I found myself listening to a 13 year old girl who seemed to look through my eyes and see the hurt and pain Deep within. She told me exactly what was going on and what I needed to do and gave me a clear path to start my journey back up to being present in the moment. A 13 year old Angel that saved my life... who also spoke directly about how I had just changed her life by sharing my struggles. 
I needed a spark to continue My Life fully by letting go of those that are no longer a physical part of my future though they will remain close along the way. I'm going to do this thing called life and I'm going to listen... and I'm going to continue to share in hopes that my words may impact even one person the way Ashley has affected mine. As she said: "It only takes saving one person to make it worth it." 
It's definitely worth it.
I am Moved

You're Never Over

Nothing to speak of beyond the sunshine of yesterday that somehow turned my smile (if it was there) into a deep frown. By the time I made it back to our house... I was a mess. You see grandma, our Queen, ain't feeling right, ain't being treated right and is in pain. I came in the house barely fighting back the tears cause the one thing grandma wants to do is come see you. How can I possibly explain that I know exactly how she feels... even jealous that regardless of how things end up, she'll get to see you before I do. 
It's a good thing you left me a living Angel to live right across the street! I have come to rely on showing up at her door in times of crisis. It's been almost 18 months since I looked in your eyes on my porch yet Crisis still explains how it feels to let my guard down enough for the pain inside to come marching out, forcing me to the ground. I can't breathe. But I hear you in my head, sometimes down the hall, sometimes down in our room and always in mom's room. And because I am still connected to you, as this song states clearly.... 
You're never over while I'm still on the stage. 
So I have no problem passing Pearl back to you. Be gentle... she breaks easily. Well, until she can finally hug you, stop missing you, wipe away all her pain and finally grieve for you no more. Whenever any of this happens, talk to my granny about letting me know you got her so I can rest easy. Feel our moms heart and all the people who miss and love you who have prayers coming your way and help us find God's strength to carry on minus so many important people. I guess I'll eventually learn what patience is.... but for now... and forever... You're never over.

Jonathan James Kots

Just wow. The thought of this man feeling like there is no other option than commit suicide BAFFLES MY MIND! You truly can Never tell what is really going on in someone else's world... and therefore we should always check our loved ones per

sonal level of safety so that we can discontinue the loss felt on this planet due to suicide. 
I have learned in what has felt like a very short time that one second, it is possible to feel like you are busting your ass to be sure that someone you love Infinitely is enjoying life to it's fullest and then 1/2 a second later... they are gone. Just gone. Nothing you can do about it besides search for answers that will never be there. That look in those eyes will never be here again.
PLEASE ignore the politics long enough to ask anyone you care about if they are really ok and in no present danger. People ask me all the time and it'ss because of being asked, I know that I am loved and SAFE. Nothing to say excepts thanks for asking. 
God Bless Jonathan's friends and family on this day. Nothing but love and respect headed your way!

Jonathan James Kotz - Age 18

Cha Cha Christmas

Cha Cha Christmas

the hand

Account

The history of my stupidity would fill many volumes.

Some would be devoted to acting against consciousness,
Like the flight of a moth which, had it known,
Would have tended nevertheless toward the candle's flame.

Others would deal with ways to silence anxiety,
The little whisper which, though a warning, is ignored.

I would deal separately with satisfaction and pride,
The time when I was among their adherents
Who strut victoriously, unsuspecting.

But all of them would have one subject, desire,
If only my own -- but no, not at all: alas,
I was driven because I wanted to be like others.
I was afraid of what was wild and indecent in me.

The history of my stupidity will not be written.
For one thing, it's late. And the truth is laborious.

My whole family thinks so...

Challenge Uncertainty

1)      Always challenge certainty, especially your own

2)      Excellence is an unrelenting struggle but it is also the surest route to enduring satisfaction

3)      Emotions are contagious so it pays to know what you’re feeling

4)      When in doubt ask yourself, “how would I behave here at my best?”

5)      If you do what you love, the money may or may not follow, but you’ll love what you do

6)      You need less that you think you do

7)      Accept yourself exactly as you are but never stop trying to learn and grow

8)      Meaning isn’t something you discover, it’s something you create, one step at a time

9)      You can’t change what you don’t notice and not noticing won’t make it go away

10)   When in doubt, take responsibility